Dear Mr Boots,
I write to you regarding your maternity pads.
You know the ones – “Boots Maternity Pads“, there are 10 of these beauties in each pack and they always seem to be on the heavenly 3 for 2 deal in your stores and online.
Well, anyway, I’m writing to you about these because quite frankly they are a load of crap. I’m being nice here Mr Boots, you’ve caught me in a good mood.
I’m just wondering if you have yourself ever given birth? No, I’m guessing not unless something dramatic has changed in our biological make up and I missed it – perhaps then, you know of people who have given birth? Have they shared the aftermath of birth with you, purely for your own research purposes I mean?
Surely, Mr Boots, you want to be selling us mums products that make us want to hug you, not curse your maternity range?
In case you haven’t had the experience of birth first hand, let me fill you in.
It’s not pretty Mr Boots, babies are pretty, but giving birth to them and what falls out of us afterwards, that is not pretty. We bleed, big blood clots at first, which means we soak through your 10 pack of maternity pads in about 2 hours! Then there is a bit of a lull, until we try and move and it all comes flooding out again. Don’t think I am exaggerating for dramatic effect here Mr Boots – a red flood is how it goes.
You are frightened to sit up, stand up, roll over, squat, laugh or cry, for fear that any alteration in your physical or emotional state will cause a red explosion.
Quite frankly Mr Boots, what I am trying to tell you is that your pads don’t cut it. They don’t even do half the job required.
After my last baby I had three of your lovely pads in at once and still leaked the red nasty everywhere.
Please Mr Boots, restore my faith in your products and fix this colossal problem for us mums. Just think you could be the hero here, I won’t ever forgive you, but there is still time to fix this for the rest of the mums-to-be out there.
I look forward to hearing from you,
P.S The kiss is a friendly gesture to show there are no hard feelings!
P.P.S Providing that you fix this A.S.A.P of course!