Do you ever feel like your mind is running a marathon from the moment you wake up until your head hits the pillow? For many mums, this isn’t just a fleeting feeling but a daily reality. The ‘mental load‘ of motherhood involves the never-ending cycle of thinking, planning, and worrying about everything, all at once. In this article, I unpack the mental load mums carry, why it’s so exhausting, and, most importantly, how to manage it.

What is the Mental Load?

The mental load is a type of cognitive labour that involves managing, organising, and keeping track of daily life for yourself and everyone in your household. Unlike physical chores that are visible and often shared, the mental load is the invisible planning and worrying that largely goes unnoticed.

It’s the small, silent calculations happening in your mind all day: remembering to buy milk, scheduling doctor’s appointments, organising playdates, remembering homework deadlines, remembering everyone’s after school schedules, the ‘extra’ things happening that week, and figuring out what’s for dinner. Even when you’re not actively doing something, your brain is still in overdrive, juggling all these tasks and more.

Why Does the Mental Load Feel So Overwhelming?

1. Constant Multitasking

Mums are often expected to multitask, but this comes at a cost. Research shows that while multitasking might seem efficient, it actually diminishes productivity and increases stress levels. For mums, this multitasking isn’t just about switching between tasks but managing multiple mental threads simultaneously—thinking about a child’s school project while mentally preparing a grocery list, all while navigating the workday and organising that quote for those home repairs you need. It’s a recipe for exhaustion.

2. Emotional Labour

The mental load also includes a heavy dose of emotional labour. Mums often take on the role of the family’s emotional manager, ensuring everyone feels loved, supported, and happy. This can mean mediating conflicts, anticipating emotional needs, and absorbing everyone else’s stress and worries. Emotional labour is draining because it requires constant vigilance, empathy, and care—often at the expense of the mum’s own emotional needs.

3. Decision Fatigue

From the tiny details of daily life to the big decisions that shape the family’s future, mums are often the ones who make hundreds of choices a day. This constant decision-making leads to “decision fatigue,” where your ability to make choices becomes harder over time, making even the simplest decisions feel overwhelming.

How to Lighten the Mental Load

Recognising the mental load is the first step in managing it. Here are some practical strategies to help reduce the burden:

1. Delegate Responsibilities Effectively

It’s time to stop thinking you have to do it all. Delegate tasks wherever possible. This could mean having your partner handle the weekly grocery shopping, assigning older children age-appropriate chores, or sharing child pick ups with a friend. Clear communication about expectations is key. Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a step toward a healthier, more balanced family life.

2. Leverage Technology to Your Advantage

Use apps and tools designed to lighten the mental load. Shared digital calendars can help coordinate family schedules and appointments, while task management apps can help organise daily chores and responsibilities. You can set reminders for everything from taking out the bins to paying bills. By putting these tasks into a system, you can free up mental space for other things.

3. Set Up Predictable Routines

Routines are lifesavers for busy mums. Establishing a regular routine for things like meal planning, bedtime, and morning activities reduces the number of decisions you have to make each day. For instance, create a weekly meal plan that’s easy to follow and reduces the daily stress of deciding what to cook. Consistent routines help manage time effectively and create a sense of stability for everyone.

4. Prioritise Self-Care Without Guilt

Self-care is essential, not optional. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming or elaborate. Start with simple things: a short walk, a quiet cup of tea, or 15 minutes of reading. Prioritising self-care can help reduce stress, improve mood, and increase energy levels. Remember, taking care of yourself is taking care of your family because a happier, healthier mum is better equipped to handle life’s demands.

5. Learn to Say ‘No’ and Mean It

Part of the mental load comes from over-committing—saying yes to too many things, often out of a sense of obligation or fear of disappointing others. Practice setting boundaries and saying no to tasks or activities that do not align with your priorities or contribute to your well-being. Your time and energy are valuable; protect them fiercely.

6. Connect with Other Mums

Sharing experiences with other mums who understand the weight of the mental load can be incredibly therapeutic. Whether through online forums, social media groups, or local meet-ups, connecting with others facing the same challenges can help you feel less alone and provide practical strategies for coping.

7. Make Space for Mindfulness

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can help you stay present and manage stress. Even just a few minutes a day can help you feel calmer and more grounded, reducing the overwhelm that comes with the mental load.

Embracing Your Own Journey

It’s crucial to recognise that feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human. The mental load can feel heavy and unrelenting, but by acknowledging it and taking steps to manage it, you can begin to feel more balanced and in control. Remember, every mum’s journey is unique, and what works for one might not work for another. Find the strategies that suit you best and don’t be afraid to adjust as needed.

Accepting that you can’t do it all is a powerful step. Celebrate the small victories, ask for help, and most importantly, give yourself grace. You’re doing an incredible job managing a household, nurturing a family, and handling countless unseen responsibilities. Your efforts are valuable, and so are you.