Memory Pre-Motherhood:

I could walk from one room to another and know exactly why I was there. I put things where they belonged and I made complete sentences. My brain cells worked as a team.

Memory Post-Motherhood:

I walk into a room with a purpose and immediately forget what it is upon arrival. I put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge. I hang up my phone to look for…my phone. I say three words of a sentence and lose my train of thought. Did I also give birth to my brain cells?

Leaving the House Pre-Motherhood:

I grabbed my bag and walked out the door.

Leaving the House Post-Motherhood:

“Do you have your lunch box, bag, homework, reading book, water bottles, ballet shoes, swimming kit, snack money, trip money, raffle ticket money? Why are your shoes on the wrong feet? Did you brush your teeth? Your top is on backwards, have you been to the toilet?” Do I also have the pushchair, baby carrier and change bag … tick … now where are the car keys?

Get in the car. “Why are you not wearing any shoes?”

Sleeping Pre-Motherhood:

I decided when and where and for how long.

Sleeping Post-Motherhood:

Largely non existent. A Disney movie is on. If I sit upright next to them, can I sneak a 15-minute nap? …no, as I will be asked to provide snacks and drinks on a regular basis and not doubt the post will arrive at some point and the phone will ring and one of the little ones will need a nappy change…and…

There’s always something that needs doing in the evenings, in-between those extra stories and bottom wipes, oh and those 20 million questions everyone has after the lights go out. Then a few hours later it’s time to peel open the eye lids again.

Emotions Pre-Motherhood:

Under control.

Emotions Post-Motherhood:

Let’s say…different!

Evenings Pre-Motherhood:

Gym, dinner, relax, bed.

Evenings Post-Motherhood:

Race from one activity to the next, prepare for the next day, make dinner…wait are all the food groups represented? Time for baths! Just ONE bedtime story. Okay, two. Yes, I’ll tuck you in. Again. Of course you can have another goodnight kiss.

Body Fluids Pre-Motherhood:

Not my thing.

Body Fluids Post-Motherhood:

I’ve been peed on, pooed on, vomited on, and worn snot as an accessory. I’m also quite a professional when it comes to getting all of the above out of the rug, carpets and bedding. When asked …”is that a new perfume?” the response is always more likely to be “no it’s baby sick”.

Date Night Pre-Motherhood:

Let’s go.

Date Night Post-Motherhood:

Ask babysitter.
Leave a manual for each child.
Call or text every 20 minutes to see if everyone is ok.
Pay babysitter twice what dinner cost…glad we didn’t see a movie as well