The one thing no one tells you about breastfeeding

My thoughts on breastfeeding

If you’ve read any of my breastfeeding posts before, you will know that I breastfed all four of my children and each one for longer than the time before.

It’s something I’ve always felt very strongly about and despite the difficulties sometimes, it’s something I was committed to succeeding at because I have always believed that was the best choice for my children.


We all know the benefits of breastfeeding as they are well documented. We also know though that it isn’t for everyone and that’s fine too. Like I’ve said before your baby, your choice. The most important thing is that babies are fed, whatever form that takes.

There are lots of things we know about breastfeeding and what we might experience along the way. There are lots of things written in books and magazines and online, and lots of things discussed in forums and of course at breastfeeding groups.

What we know

We know about:

  • Mastitis
  • Cracked nipples
  • Feeding positions
  • The potential frequency of feeding
  • How hard it can be for some people to establish
  • How sometimes it doesn’t come naturally
  • Backache
  • Feeding cushions
  • Not falling asleep feeding
  • Nose to nipple
  • Afterpains

 keeping children healthy

What we aren’t told

What we aren’t told about, or certainly what I didn’t know before I started was about the loneliness. Breastfeeding is lonely. I say that from experience.

You know that feeling when you climb into bed and just relax and look forward to a nice sleep? Well, when you are a parent obviously that isn’t the case, but when you breastfeed ‘bedtime’ can become something you dread.

When the house is quiet and everyone else is asleep, sometimes you might savour the ‘peace’ and enjoy that special, focused time without interruption, for you to just feed and cuddle your baby.

Those moments exist, they really do, but so do many lonely moments – lonely moments late at night, when the quiet is too quiet and you have a million thoughts flying around your head. Lonely moments when you are struggling to feed your baby, or struggling to keep yourself awake.  Long, lonely nights when you maybe only sleep in 30 minute blocks if you are lucky.

breastfeeding can be lonely

What you can do

Of course this doesn’t last for ages. I’m not trying to put you off breastfeeding. I’d still always make that choice, considering all the benefits of breastfeeding for baby. I just want you to be prepared. In the same way you are prepared for maybe getting cracked nipples, I want you to prepare for that loneliness. You could try this lactation product from in order to continue breastfeeding anytime.

Keep your phone close by. That’s my best tip. Interact with people on social media, write a to-do list for the next day, write that email you’ve been meaning to write for ages, join a forum with other breast feeders.

Prepare for the loneliness and know how to overcome it – because of all the difficulties that can come from breastfeeding and after approximately 10,000 breast feeds, I can honestly say that was the hardest part.

Good luck!


  1. That is so true and something that nobody really talks about – you’ve just brought it all back to me, lonely long feeds in the night when the rest of the world is asleep, and it’s dark and my tears used to fall and I felt so alone and tired. Love you for flagging this up. #sharewithme

  2. See I wish I had tried harder at breast feeding. I had a bit of a difficult birth with pickle and then he was poorly when he was born so it all kind of fell by the way side 🙁 If we ever have another though I will 100% try again 🙂

  3. Completely agree. I breastfed my two boys until they self weaned at 18 months (I think it was due to the pregnancies of the next baby and my milk changing and i would of happily gone for longer!) It is hard work! My first had a tongue tie which thanks to the NHS took 15 weeks to correct! Then my second had reflux and food allergies so I had to be on a dairy and egg free diet whilst breastfeeding. I think its awful how you are not prepared by midwives the first time round and they tell you if it hurts then you are doing it wrong.. no no no, it definitely does hurt the first week or two but then its like something miracle happens and it suddenly doesnt hurt anymore! #sharewithme

  4. I can relate to this post so much. My baby is 6 months old and I feel like I’m left out of so many conversations because I need to sit somewhere comfortable to nurse, or I’m focused on burping him or getting him to quit crying and can’t hear or participate. Motherhood in general is so much lonelier than I thought, and nursing makes it even lonelier! Thanks for posting.

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