When you’ve had a baby, especially if it’s your first baby lots of people will be asking lots of questions. It kind of seems to come with your new role as a mother – that you are on the receiving end of all of this.

At first, you’ll happily tell family, friends and even total strangers the ins and outs. Then, well then, when you’ve responded to millions of these questions, well then it will begin to grate a little.

Are they good for you?

Of course they are good, they are a baby. As far as I’m aware all babies are ‘good’ as they have no idea what good or bad is. They are babies!

IF by good you mean, are they sleeping all the way through, then no, they aren’t.

Why do people insist on equating sleep with being “a good baby”? What a nonsense! So just to clarify to be “good” my baby should lie still and either sleep or just not cry? What about when they need something – should I make sure they put their hand up to ask?

Babies cry when they need something – it’s called communication! They don’t have words, so they cry. It’s normal people!

You look exhausted, are you going to try and get some sleep tonight?

Let’s be clear here. I don’t think any new mum goes to sleep thinking “I’m going to stay up all night for fun”. We all ‘try’ to get some sleep, but our little ones tend to have other ideas.

Again – this is NORMAL people! It might be rough, it might make your eyeballs feel liked they are burning and your head might feel like it’s going to explode BUT it’s this normal thing called parenting!

It’s not always pretty, in fact it’s often brutal, but we signed up to it!

Are you going to have more?

Often women are asked this within hours of giving birth. I mean – really, let us just breath will you! At least let our bits recover before you ask us that.

Maybe, maybe you’ll have more children, but let’s be honest that’s no one else’s business is it? Especially when you aren’t even sure how you are ever going to wee again, never mind anything else.

Calm down people, calm down!

Are you back in your normal clothes yet?

Does it look like I’m back in my normal clothes yet Mavis? Clearly, after just stretching my body around a giant watermelon NO I AM NOT.

Let’s just remove those judgy pants Cheryl and think this stuff through before we open our mouths – can you manage that?

Are you upset it’s not a girl/boy?

Stop right there! Turn around, yes you, and leave!

I’ve birthed a baby. Yes, another human – how amazing is that? Something many people crave and can’t do for so many reasons. So no, I don’t wish it was the opposite sex, I’m grateful to be a mother, when millions of women don’t have the opportunity.

What’s the most annoying thing you were asked after having your baby?