Guest Article provided by Crisp and Co. – a UK legal firm, specialising in family law. Their expert solicitors will help you deal with the financial repercussions and associated agreements that come with family dissolution, for example pre and post nuptials, and child arrangements. For more information, head to their website: https://www.crispandco.com/
Moving on from a break-up can be tough. What can be even tougher, though, is having to help your kids move on too. For help in this department, read on.
As a single parent, dealing with new relationships and broken relationships can be complicated. To add to your own emotions, having kids in the picture, who are also feeling the sting of this loss, can be a minefield. So, how can you help yourself and your children cope?
Well, besides getting family law legal advice for all the nitty gritty details, there’s more to it than just laws and child arrangement orders. Emotions are probably the biggest force to endure.
Crisp and Co. – a UK legal firm, specialising in family law have shared some of their top tips for dealing with a break-up, and helping your kids to get through it as well.
1. Prepare for the Worst
Whether your break-up was a good thing or a bad thing, learning how to handle a break-up with kids in the picture will be confusing. It may even bring you to question whether you’re doing the right thing to move on. Due to this confusion, it’s very important that you prepare yourself for more pain and hurt.
An example of where this might occur is if your child was close to your ex-partner. In this case, their immediate loss of this significant person in their life might cause them to look for someone to blame. The likelihood is that the person they’ll blame is you, so you must be ready for this bouncing of emotions, here, there and everywhere.
2. Be Ready for Your Emotions to be Emphasised
Another thing to bear in mind is that, as you’ll be dealing with multiple peoples’ emotions alongside your own, these other feelings might exacerbate yours. For example, if it was a sad break-up, it’s likely that your children will be upset too, increasing your own sadness along the way.
Alternatively, if the break-up was a relief to you, your children might still be upset by this sudden loss of a significant person in their lives. Either way, this can be extremely difficult for you.
Just be aware that a break-up with children is likely to be more difficult than the average break-up.
3. Answer Your Child’s Questions
Your children might not understand what’s happened between you and your ex. One minute they had a father or mother figure within their lives, and the next, it was no more.
Because of this, your child will probably have a number of questions up their sleeves. Perhaps they’ll ask why do people break-up, and when they’ll see your ex again, and you may not know how to reply. So, just make sure to answer these questions as honestly and openly as possible, so they can learn to understand this in their own way.
That said, when you do so, be careful not to project your emotions into the conversation. They need to learn how to deal with their feelings themselves, as it’s likely that they’ll experience a break-up of their own in the future. Help them to learn how to cope with these emotions now, and they’ll be set for anything their romantic life throws at them.
4. Don’t Give Away Every Detail
Although you want to be honest with them, it’s important not to give too much away. Your kids might remain in contact with your ex, especially if they’re teenagers with their own social lives to lead.
If this is the case, you don’t want to completely ruin their relationship with your ex through projecting your feelings onto them. Yes, you might have parted in an unamicable way, but that doesn’t mean your child should miss out on having this relationship still. Don’t be selfish, even if it’s difficult, and be closed-mouthed about the deep ins-and-outs of the break-up.
5. Acknowledge Their Feelings
It’s highly likely that your child may be more upset by this change than you. For them, it may have been very sudden, whereas for you, it might have been something you’ve known for a while and could prepare for. So, it’s important that you take this on board, and let your child know that their emotions are reasonable.
This can be done by communicating with them. Tell them that you know how they’re feeling, and let them know that it’s perfectly natural and okay. By acknowledging these emotions for them, this may help them to understand them better. This way, they’ll be able to tackle the feelings more readily, as they’ll have talked them through with someone else who understands.
6. Let Them Express These Emotions
Whether the feelings are sadness, anger, relief, or excitement, depending on the type of relationship you had, your child will be feeling something. This “something” will be what they have to come to terms with and, if they’re young, they might not understand these feelings.
Because of this, it’s important that you help them deal with these feelings by letting them express them. If they’re angry at you then don’t suppress it, if they’re upset then let them cry, if they’re happy then let them rejoice. Whatever they’re feeling, these emotions should not be bottled up.
7. Lean on Each Other
Yes, you might be feeling upset, but your children could be the blessing in this bad situation. In most break-ups, the feelings will have to be tackled alone but, with kids in the picture too, you can go through this loss together.
So, when friends aren’t around, your children could be the close-knit support network you need to get through it. Who knows, after all this, you may even find that your relationship with your children becomes even stronger.
8. Find Distractions
Get out of the house together and find something fun to do. It doesn’t have to be anything lavish; a walk around the local area will do.
You could even take this time to go on all the adventures you always had planned. Perhaps a trip to the nearest theme park, or the beach? Watch some of your favourite films together, play card games and video games, or just sit and talk to one another. Enjoying each other’s company when you’re both feeling down could be the best bonding experience.